"Whether you realize it or not, neglecting to tell your spouse about your infidelity may eat away at your relationship in unexpected ways." "Deception in your marriage leads to a bubbling under the surface that will spill over and compromise the health of your union," Richards-Smith says. What needs or desires was this relationship meeting inside of me, that I wasn’t fulfilling in a healthier manner?.Where along the way did I know to stop doing any of the following, yet didn’t: Flirting, texting, sending pics, meeting up alone, or speaking ill of my marriage?.What inside me is broken or hurt that allowed this to happen?.Doug Weiss, PhD, marriage counselor and author of Partner Betrayal Trauma, offers three more tough questions to answer: Am I prepared to face the consequences of my actions by addressing this with my partner directly?ĭr.Do I have unfair or unrealistic expectations of my spouse?.What key elements do I feel are lacking in my marriage?.Richards-Smith suggests considering these: Examining your motives can help you hit on the deeper reasons, and get you thinking about what you need from your marriage and from yourself. You were physically attracted to someone else, and you acted on it-but that's far from the only reason why people cheat. This means no coffee dates, Facebook messages, or prolonged text exchanges with them in the name of "closure." It's neither mean nor selfish to block them on social media and delete their number after you've let them know that it's over for good. "Take the necessary steps to do so ASAP." "If you would like your marriage to survive, make the commitment to end all communication with the person you cheated with," says Rhonda Richards-Smith, a psychotherapist and relationship expert based in L.A. You must avoid the temptation to cheat again-plus, you need some space to process exactly what happened and why. If you'd like stay in your marriage, cease all contact with the other person. If you have cheated on your husband and aren't sure what to do next, here's what two experts suggest. Regardless of the reasons why people stray, one thing is undeniable: Cheating happens. In her book, Perel also points out that the rate of women who admit they've been unfaithful to their husbands has risen by 40 percent since 1990. "We expect one person to give us what once an entire village used to provide, and we live twice as long," psychotherapist Esther Perel writes in The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity, regarding the state of modern unions. While marital infidelity is likely as old as the institution itself, our average life expectancies are lengthening-meaning many husbands and wives are bound to each other for decades more than their grandparents were. Marriage is full of mutual agreements, and unless the two of you are consensually non-monogamous, promising not to sleep with other people is a big one.
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